I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
