nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
