Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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