So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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