Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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