Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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