Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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