my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
