my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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