They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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