I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
