no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So here I am, sexting at work.
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