i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
