She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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