so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
