i think i have two assholes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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