I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
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dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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