I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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