3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
