i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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