The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
