jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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