if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
