As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
