last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
