i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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