I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
