So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
