Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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