I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Michael Bay diarrhea
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
