Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
