yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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