last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
