Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
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On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
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i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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