you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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