....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You should frame my arrest warrant.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
