The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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