did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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