I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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