my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She even gives head with a lisp.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
