please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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