At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
