the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize