I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
