This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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