genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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