..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
