Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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