She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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