a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize