he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
