You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
