I got chris browned last night
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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