mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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