Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
