I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
