can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize