He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Nobody cheats on THIS.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
