using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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