Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
