also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
