I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
