Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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