I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
